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\n\t\tOpinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.\t<\/p>\n
Some people are natural conversationalists. I\u2019m not one of them.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Like many people, I\u2019ve always felt awkward in conversation. That\u2019s especially hard as an entrepreneur, where talking to people is half the job. Good conversations can drive our businesses and relationships. We like to buy from, work with, and collaborate with people who are easy to talk to.\u00a0<\/p>\n
That\u2019s why I spent the past two decades studying the patterns of master conversationalists for my latest book, Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count<\/a><\/em>. I learned that people who come off as instantly likable use certain phrases over and over again to build rapport. Now I\u2019m passing those phrases along so that you can use them in team meetings, investor calls, and client sessions to make your small talk infinitely better.\u00a0<\/p>\n The phrases involve compliments and moments of connection, so only use them if they feel authentic. Never fake it. Here are five to try.\u00a0<\/p>\n Everyone likes to be remembered. So telling someone, \u201cI was just thinking of you!\u201d immediately sparks connection. For example, I wanted to check in with a certain VIP but wasn\u2019t sure how. She had been on my mind, so I just reached out and told her exactly that. Here\u2019s what I sent:\u00a0<\/p>\n \u2192 Subject: I was just thinking about you! I stopped by the pier this weekend and stumbled upon the national skimboarding competition! Of course, it made me think of you. Did you ever end up designing your own board? I took a video of the winning skim, attached. Incredible, right?\u00a0<\/p>\n She immediately wrote back raving about the video I sent and attached a picture of the skimboard she had designed. It triggered a request for a catch-up call, then a taco breakfast, and then an invite to speak at her company\u2019s corporate retreat.\u00a0<\/p>\n This is a powerful phrase you can use absolutely anywhere. For example:\u00a0<\/p>\n \u2192 If someone pops into your head, text them: \u201cHey! I was just thinking of you and wanted to check in. Anything new and exciting?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n \u2192 If you see something that reminds you of someone in your life, share it with them and say, \u201cI just saw this amazing [blank], and it made me think of you!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n \u2192 If you need to reach out to someone, say, \u201cLong time no talk. Someone recently mentioned a [blank], and, of course, I thought of you.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n These are casual, immediately put someone at ease by reminding them they are top of mind, and make them feel good. Magic.\u00a0<\/p>\n The research is clear: Asking people questions, especially follow-up questions, makes you more likable. It shows that you\u2019re engaged, responsive, and genuinely interested.\u00a0<\/p>\n And here\u2019s the simplest follow-up of all: Just say, \u201cTell me more!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n For example, I once visited the emergency room for very bad food poisoning. (I was fine, but I\u2019ll never eat scallops again.) My nurse seemed grumpy, but I was very grateful for her help and wanted her to feel appreciated. I noticed a little pin above her name badge, so I asked, \u201cIs that a pin for Mellow Velo? I just walked by there last week. It\u2019s a bike spot, right?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n She brightened. \u201cYes! I\u2019m an avid biker and I\u2019m helping them organize a big bike ride for families.\u201d I was tired and wasn\u2019t sure what to say next. I also don\u2019t know how to ride a bike (true, and embarrassing). So I just said, \u201cTell me more!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Then off she went, telling me about their great local initiatives. She spent far longer in my room and stopped by frequently to check on me (once with a warm blanket!).\u00a0<\/p>\n Here\u2019s an advanced way to use this question. Let\u2019s say someone is mid-story at a networking event or group dinner, and they get interrupted. The waiter arrives, someone asks for the salt, and the conversation shifts. The person might never get to finish their story \u2014 unless you say, \u201cYou were saying something so interesting. Please tell me more!\u201d They\u2019ll love you forever.\u00a0<\/p>\n Want to become effortlessly likable with someone you\u2019ve met before? Just say: \u201cLast time we were talking, you mentioned\u2026\u201d paired with something that lit them up the last time you talked.\u00a0<\/p>\n For example, you could say: \u201cLast time we spoke, you mentioned you were going to Greece on vacation. How was that?\u201d Or ask about the big project they mentioned, or a show you both love.\u00a0<\/p>\n This packs a powerful emotional punch. It shows that you pay attention, have a good memory, and consider them worthy of being memorable.\u00a0<\/p>\n In fact, this is how Earvin \u201cMagic\u201d Johnson first impressed the woman who became his wife, Cookie. They attended a Michigan State University party. Shortly after, Magic showed up at her dorm room with a carefully selected surprise \u2014 yellow roses, because she had mentioned she likes yellow. It was, she said, the \u201csweetest thing any guy who\u2019d ever showed romantic interest in me had done.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Research consistently shows: We like people who are like us. We\u2019re more likely to start conversations online with people whose profiles show shared interests. Teams collaborate better when members have shared interests. And we\u2019re even more likely to be persuaded by someone we can relate to.\u00a0<\/p>\n This is why, at the start of a negotiation or meeting, it can be valuable to highlight mutual likes \u2014 to make someone say, \u201cSame here!\u201d The common ground can be as simple as your age, hometown, or background.\u00a0<\/p>\n I discovered this myself in 2025, when I got an unexpected email from Khlo\u00e9 Kardashian\u2019s team. They said she\u2019s a fan of my work(!) and wanted me on her podcast. I\u2019d never met someone so famous, and I was terrified of the small talk we\u2019d have before the interview. So I made a list of things we have in common to spark \u201csame here!\u201d moments \u2014 like how we both attended all-girls schools and we both have two kids. I told her these when we met, and it was like activating instant bestie mode. Suddenly, everything flowed. When our recording was done, she told me, \u201cI didn\u2019t want that to end.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n That\u2019s the power of \u201csame here!\u201d energy. It isn\u2019t just chemistry. It\u2019s psychology.\u00a0<\/p>\n What makes someone instantly likable? You might think it\u2019s charm or cleverness. But often, it\u2019s this: making others feel valued.\u00a0<\/p>\n In every conversation, people are quietly wondering, Am I being boring? Am I doing well? Do they like me? Your job is to answer those questions before they\u2019re asked. Humans love to be validated for who they are, not just what they do. Frequently. Don\u2019t assume you\u2019ve said it before, or that someone knows how valued they are. We can almost never receive too much validation if it\u2019s genuine.\u00a0<\/p>\n Doing so is simple. If you appreciate something about someone, tell them! Just say: \u201cYou\u2019re so\u2026\u201d then you can highlight their humor, charisma, or even punctuality.\u00a0<\/p>\n In fact, this is how legendary fashion designer Crist\u00f3bal Balenciaga got his start. He grew up poor and shy in a small Basque fishing village. Every Sunday, he\u2019d catch glimpses of the town\u2019s fashionable Marquesa de Casa Torres descending the church steps in her couture. One morning, unable to contain himself, he exclaimed: \u201cHow elegant you are!\u201d (In other words: You\u2019re so elegant.)\u00a0<\/p>\n That stopped her in her tracks. She asked Balenciaga about his eye for fashion and discovered his love for style. A few days later, she handed him the dress he had admired so much and asked him to copy it. He did. A career was born.\u00a0<\/p>\n Positive labels help people see themselves in a new light. And when you give someone a label they want to embody, they often rise to it. NOW I CHALLENGE YOU: Use one of these five phrases in your next conversation. And watch how quickly your connection with them improves.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n From <\/em>CONVERSATION: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count<\/a> by Vanessa Van Edwards, published on October 6, 2026, by Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. \u00a92026 by Vanessa Van Edwards<\/em><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n Some people are natural conversationalists. I\u2019m not one of them.\u00a0<\/p>\n Like many people, I\u2019ve always felt awkward in conversation. That\u2019s especially hard as an entrepreneur, where talking to people is half the job. Good conversations can drive our businesses and relationships. We like to buy from, work with, and collaborate with people who are easy to talk to.\u00a0<\/p>\n That\u2019s why I spent the past two decades studying the patterns of master conversationalists for my latest book, Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count<\/a><\/em>. I learned that people who come off as instantly likable use certain phrases over and over again to build rapport. Now I\u2019m passing those phrases along so that you can use them in team meetings, investor calls, and client sessions to make your small talk infinitely better.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n1. \u2018I was just thinking about you!\u2019<\/strong>\u00a0<\/h2>\n
2. <\/strong>\u2018Tell me more!\u2019 <\/h2>\n
3. <\/strong>\u2018Last time we were talking, you mentioned\u2026\u2019\u00a0<\/h2>\n
4. <\/strong>\u2018Same here!\u2019\u00a0<\/h2>\n
5. <\/strong>\u2018You\u2019re so\u2026!\u2019\u00a0<\/h2>\n