At one point or another, most of us have stared at our computer screen and wondered: Is this it? For some, it’s a passing feeling. Yet, for others, that boredom turns into lingering dissatisfaction, leading to quiet quitting, or even walking away from a job entirely, which rarely solves the deeper problem. New data from Gallup shows that while only 30% of workers think it’s a good time to find a new job, more than half are actively looking anyway.
In a decade and a half of working as a therapist, I’ve met a lot of smart, creative people who feel capable of more, if only they could figure out where to direct their energy. These restless souls (and I count myself among them) believe that we should work the same way we engage in life: fully and passionately.
While the drive to learn and grow often serves us, it can also lead to stagnation. Most people see two options: (1) quitting or (2) sticking it out for the paycheck (“acting your wage”). Yet, there’s a third way where we can put our restlessness to good use while showing up with presence and finding more fulfillment in the work we’re doing right now.
Get honest about what truly matters to you
Those who often feel restless usually have many different interests and talents. But fulfillment doesn’t come from doing it all. It comes from alignment. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to make it into a career, or even a hobby. Sometimes we excel at things out of habit, upbringing, or external validation, yet they don’t necessarily bring us purpose or fit into the picture of what we want for our life.
I recently had a high-achieving client who was reevaluating his career path. He was experiencing a conflict between what he wanted and the logical and expected next step in his career. He was named valedictorian of his class, went to Ivy League institutions for two degrees, and landed a job only someone with his credentials could secure. Yet, after having a child, he felt overwhelmed with the demands of his job. He wanted a better work-life balance, yet he was having trouble getting off the path he had worked so hard to be on. His identity was tied to the validation he had received for his success, from peers, family, and his job.
We began to reevaluate how his values had shifted. I encouraged him to get honest about what he wanted for this next phase of life—separate from societal messages about success and the narrative he had created about who he was supposed to be. He identified ways he could step back in his current role as he planned for bigger changes down the line. Alignment begins with understanding what you value most, and then finding ways to bring more of that into the work you’re already doing.
Stick With It Long Enough to See What Happens
Sometimes restlessness is a message something needs to shift and other times, it’s a distraction from improving what we already have. It’s easier to fantasize about leaving instead of having an uncomfortable conversation about changes you want or need. Instead of turning away from your current role, it’s worth first investigating how you might bring more satisfaction into it. When we continually jump from position to position, it can feel like a hundred mini-failures piling up.
