You know, there was a plague before COVID. Lots of people came down with it every morning and evening: the agony of traffic and train delays. Commuting sucked, and everyone agreed on that. Then remote work came along and, all of a sudden, having to go into the office disappeared for millions.
But something else disappeared, and no one really talks about that part. If you listen closely to parents now, you’ll hear it. They miss the commute. Sort of. They don’t miss fighting for a seat on the subway. And no one is longing for the good old days of gridlock. But they do miss what that time offered them. I didn’t realize it either until it was gone.
Ericka dives into the heat of modern motherhood, challenging the notion that personal identity must be sacrificed at the altar of parenting.
Catching our breath
Back when we spent most of the daylight hours at an office, our workdays felt crazy busy. That ride home was the point where we’d finally catch our breath. Some days, I’d stare out the window. Other days, I would walk home, call a friend, or get lost in an audiobook. It was one of the only moments in the day when no one needed anything from me. I didn’t realize how rare that was.
Certainly, remote work has been great in a lot of ways: a little extra sleep time, flexibility, more time in the day with your kids. But it quietly took something important away. The built-in alone time during a commute has a positive impact, according to research by the World Economic Forum. That transition time can actually benefit our mental health.
Now, everything blurs together. You go from intense work meetings to making dinner to answering emails to helping with homework—without a break in between. We are always on. It’s depleting. Without a clear delineation, there is no recovery from either. That is when the irritability creeps in. Parents can feel helpless, agitated, and burned out, and don’t have the mental capacity to handle even one more thing.
Mark the transition
That “wasted time” commuting was doing something significant. It was regulating us. So now, we must find other ways to reclaim that pocket of time. It doesn’t have to be complicated; it just has to exist in some form.
- Take a walk after your last meeting.
- Sit in your car for 10 minutes and listen to an audiobook.
- Make a quick call to check in with your sister or a friend.
- Step outside for five minutes and do absolutely nothing productive.
- Make a cup of tea or pour a drink, but don’t multitask while sipping it.
- Take a shower (not because you need one but because it resets you).
- Sit in silence before walking into the next room, where everyone needs you.
The goal is to mentally mark the transition for yourself. Because the real loss wasn’t the commute. It was losing the only part of the day that didn’t belong to anyone else. Without that pause, your life just becomes one long shift.
